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More common for boys not to see it as molestation?

Posted by Lysander on 2017-March-16 07:35:12, Thursday

It seems like I've heard or read a few accounts in which men grew up and said, "Back then, I didn't think of what was happening as child sexual abuse, but now I know!" (Some of these men then become directors of NGOs that supposedly help child sexual abuse victims.)

In contrast, when I read accounts by women, they seem more likely to play the victim much sooner. Maybe it's because playing the victim card comes more naturally to women (since weakness and crying out for help are considered feminine, while strength and solving one's own problems are considered masculine).

Maybe it's because women are used to blaming men as a way of avoiding seeming like a slut. E.g., they'll say, "Yes, I've slept with more guys than I can count, but a lot of them were players who told me whatever I wanted to hear just to get me into bed. I've been victimized so badly! Please marry me and be the man who won't treat me that way!" And men will take pity on them and not blame them for having spent the past 10-20 years playing the whore. Men will even consider themselves a hero (aka Captain Save-a-Ho) for wifing up a woman like that.

I do have one friend whose mom's boyfriend used to do romantic or sexual stuff with him for years, starting from age 10 or 12 or something. That same man tried to kiss me and wouldn't take no for an answer, so finally I had to tell my parents, and that was when my friend told on him as well. The difference is, I got over what happened, while my friend still seethes with anger about it. My thought is, "If you didn't like it, why didn't you tell anyone? Why did you let it go on for so long? Be a fuckin' man and take personal responsibility. You were old enough, when it happened, to know what options were available to you to get that behavior to stop."

Even a woman doesn't really have much of an excuse, since like I say, girls are conditioned from a young age to seek the help of men when they need protection.

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