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What other people did to my mom is in the past. What my mom did to me is in the past. (Evidently there was a whole background of "I'm not doing anything to you, so HOW DARE YOU RECOGNIZE my incestuous action, my violations of your boundaries. You never complained about it before, so why are you complaining now?" The whole 9 yards.) But the life I lead now is about RECOGNIZING the CHARGEDNESS of the boundary violation imagery, acknowledging its presence in my head, and then going ahead and NOT dragging other people into those boundary-violation scenarios. It's going to keep going on, inside your head, Lyzzie, until YOU recognize it and YOU bring a stop to it. Learn to see yourself as third generation. The parent didn't see it as molestation; the boy didn't see it as molestation. All of us on the board, though, have the opportunity to open our eyes to it, AS BOY LOVERS, as molestation. That's what boy-love means, seeing the little knife in your hand, and not using it. Re-enacting your child-hood traumas, unrecognized and untreated, on helpless, "cute" boys, is not boy-love. It's child molestation. ---Did |