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Well I'm getting to the age now where I start looking back more and more. In my younger days I was boy hunting all the time and desperate about it too. I haven't really cared that much the last few years as I increasingly just care more about "adult" things like retirement and shit. Over the years I've had close to 10 really close boys, boys who would've done anything for me, boys who loved me and whom I loved dearly. I had transformational effects on them while I was in their lives, but when their parents inevitably took them away from me due to a mix of jealousy and fear, the boys would regress. I'm sure they all remember me but I ask myself...what was the point of it all? Are they better off? Not really. There was too much momentum in their poor upbringing, the coddling of today's society, the coddling of the education system, the lack of expectations for kids at all. None of them have become spectacular because of the aforementioned regression after I was gone. I am like this because my purpose seems to be to serve a certain subset of boys. The bonds are intense and beyond comprehension for anyone who is not a BL. I've had numerous moms gush over how their son won't stop talking about me and how they really like me, how their boy only listens to me, etc etc. it just seems it was all for nothing in the end and i havent really made a difference. as the chapter of me seeking boys ends, it just seems like such a waste of my talents. i'm a pretty successful man by all metrics and i could've imparted all this talent and wisdom and "success" on these boys as they grow into manhood. Instead it's all squandered. It makes my life feel kind of pointless. |