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Take a deep breath and relax. Since you have been arrested already things will proceed at a bureaucracy's pace - very slowly - so you have time to regroup which it sounds like you are already doing. I was arrested and ended up spending ten years in prison but since then things have not been so bad for me. Family is very supportive and no one harasses me about it even though the whole world can find out I'm a Registered Sex Offender. Admittedly my situation is better than some of the others but it does go to show that it's not the end of the world. The world goes on no matter what you do. Your interaction with this world depends on you. Try not to live in fear but keep a rational idea of self preservation in your mind. Now to the questions. "What should I ask my solicitor when I meet him?" Ask him anything that concerns you. Since you have a solicitor rather than an attorney, you are not from the USA so some of my advice my not apply. I would think that like here, a solicitor is bound to client confidentiality and cannot divulge any conversation you have with him. Something you should probably ask is, "What can I to do minimize the consequences?" or something similar. If you trust your solicitor be completely honest with him. He's in your corner fighting for you. Don't let the prosecutor give him any nasty surprises. If you don't trust him, get a different one. Here we have "public defenders" for those who can't afford an attorney. They are worthless. If your solicitor is one of these, beg, borrow or steal the money to get a private solicitor. "Is the best thing to do right now just kill myself? Can I only expect misery from now on?" You already know the answer to the fist part. Everybody experiences misery in their lives, some more than others. On the other hand, they also experience joy and happiness too. You can expect more misery (if convicted) and for a while maybe a lot of misery. As time goes by things will improve, you will learn how to cope with the shit more effectively and life won't be so bad. Have hope. "How can I stop myself from going out of my mind and constantly thinking about this?" At this point that will be hard. This is a very major event in your life. It is natural that you are going to be thinking about it often. Do what you can do and understand that you don't have control over everything, just yourself. Maybe a copy of the AA Serenity Prayer would be a help. Meditation will be a big help in keeping your mind under control. If you aren't familiar with it, check out books by several authors or if you still have internet access, google it. There are many ways to meditate. Find one you like and do it. "What are others experiences of this type of thing?" When I was arrested (for sexual assault on a child) they also pulled a search warrant and trashed my house. All of my computer equipment was seized and searched for evidence. They claimed there was CP on my computer but I don't believe it. Of course, there is always a remote possibility that some could have found its way there but if there was, it was never mentioned in court proceedings. Fortunately, I was savvy enough that I didn't talk to the police so all their evidence was based on other things. I spent a long time fighting it but didn't get much for all the trouble. This does not have to be the case though. I met one guy who was charged with rape, went to trial, and won because he submitted a video tape of the incident and the jury decided she was consenting. There is hope. "How do I convince people I am not a bad person, I never asked/wanted to be attracted to boys but it is something I have lived with since I hit puberty." You can't convince them. The best you can do is show them by the way you live the rest of your life. Many will come to realize you really aren't bad. Some will never believe it. It's just part of life. "How is the best way to tell my family about this?" Don't know. That depends on your family and you know best how they will react. I told my family straight up about the charges and while they weren't happy, they were supportive. And while I'm talking about what to tell people, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER tell anyone the details of the case until it has been finalized and further evidence is useless. Your solicitor should have already told you this and you should follow that advice. "How normal a life can I expect to live after this?" It can be fairly normal. If convicted you will never be able to work as a teacher, camp counselor, baby sitter, etc. Possibly even if you aren't convicted these will be closed to you. As for other jobs, many require a clean background check but there are still jobs available. In some areas there may be problems with housing but there will be decent placed to live somewhere. "In what way can others find out about this without me directly telling them? Even if it ends up with a conviction." Depends. With me, it was front page news for two days. Everybody who knew me knew all about it. With others it has been a low key thing without much publicity. If you are required to register, then the whole world can find out but only a few trouble makers even mention it if they do know. To repeat myself, the best you can do is show you're not a bad person by the way you live the rest of your life. People will find out. It seems to me the best way to handle it is to tell the truth but as little as necessary. I know this has turned into a fairly long post, but I hope you can find some help in it. Good luck and best wishes. Hang in there; this is about as bad as it will get. |