What do you tell yourself?

I realized the other day that, in idle moments when I was alone, boyless, and had nothing else to do or think about, I'd often repeat the mantra, "I need a boy." This had become such a habit, that it would sometimes happen without any conscious decision to say it. I mean, it's true enough. Boys don't just bring meaning to my life ... they bring the lion's share of meaning to my life. Without boys ... there really isn't much that I value about myself. So saying that I *need* a boy, while it might sound like an exaggeration ... I feel like I can argue that it's literally true. But suddenly I realized that repeating this mantra, while it may be true, isn't necessarily *helpful*. And I'd been doing it almost obsessively for a couple of decades at least. Minus the brief periods when I actually had a boy in my life. I recall studies that have shown that engaging in positive self-talk can improve your self-image in a measurable way. What if changing my mantra could not only improve my mood and mental health ... what if that improvement could cascade into having more success when those fleeting opportunities to maybe make a YF actually do come around? So I decided to give my mantra a facelift. "I need a boy" feels a bit defeatist. If I get one, great. If I don't, woe is me ... the unfulfilled need is a scapegoat for whatever negative feelings - and experiences - I might have. It doesn't do anything to help me solve the problem of not having a boy. The new mantra I'm trying? "I will love again." I like this one. It's not verifiably true or false in the moment, so I don't suffer the disbelief penalty. And ... if I keep using this mantra ... think about it: I can only be wrong once! lol More importantly, it's like a promise. From myself to myself. I've noticed sometimes I don't fall for a boy that seems to tick all the boxes, and I wonder why. Is my heart withholding its endorsement because it's afraid this boy too will go away one day? Or am I overthinking all the ways the relationship might end prematurely? Have I just been hurt too many times and I'm closing myself off as a defense mechanism? I don't actually know why I haven't loved anyone in a long time, but the new mantra doesn't care what the *reasons* are, it's just a promise that whatever part of me might have been getting in the way in the past isn't always going to be in the way. And ... when it comes to psychology ... sometimes wishing really does make it so. So I make this promise to myself: I will love again. So what do you tell yourself when no one else can hear? Do you think it has had an effect on your life? (hugs) -= ryvid =-