going first

The ones who went first already went first long ago. Just because you can't imagine anyone accepting you does not mean that others should cower in fear of rejection/attack. Of course, you are free to go first, and let us know how it goes. In your town or a town near you there are people going to church and being honest about all kinds of life situations including many people struggling with same sex attraction, addiction to porn and/or prostitutes, attraction to children and all manner of other men's integrity issues. You can bury your head in the sand and pretend that those conversations aren't happening (i.e. waiting for the "first") or spew gloom and doom narratives about what would happen "if" someone was honest with their small group at church, but those of us who have been to church and have shared Christ's love with all manner of people who considered themselves terminally unique know you are simply uninformed. Your lack of curiosity means you are not liable to ever become informed or change your mind, which is why you are destined to remain ever a loser.