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Last year I was sitting in a Japanese jail, with nothing to remind me its Christmas except for poorly placed Christmas songs on the radio (which I had no way of turning off). This Christmas, I was blessed by grace. A 2 year sentence issued last week had me in a cell again until Friday. Being granted bail for my appeal meant that this year, I had my freedom. This may be my last Christmas with my wife and young daughter. A 2 year sentence isn't a life sentence, but might as well be when an immigration order is waiting at the end of it. Stupid emotionality has my brain focused on the negative fact that this could be my last Christmas. I should be focused on the fact that I have my freedom for THIS Christmas and have the ability to make THIS Christmas a good one for my daughter. I soldiered through. I think I did alright. Those alone may be wishing to have a boy they could touch. I am wishing that there was somehow a way I could UN-touch a boy. I loved him. I could've kept loving him better with my freedom. I wouldn't have lost everything else, either. This year is so bittersweet. I'm trying to focus on the sweet. |