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A New Mexico state judge dimissed aggravated fiddling charges against West Wing actor Timothy Busfield Friday, on the grounds that the alleged victims, Asian-Hawaiian twins Sébastien and Valentino LaSalle, were "perfect tens" with "bangin' hot preteen bods" according to circuit judge Abdullah Boswell-Cohen. In a scathing judgment that ran to 41 partially stuck-together pages, the court criticised prosecutors for withholding crucial evidence. This included photographic proof that the boys, who were eight years old at the time they were allegedly groped by Mr Busfield on the set of lamentable ethnic melodrama The Cleaning Lady, had "perfect taut kiesters that a grown man could hold in a single cupped hand like a ripe candy melon." "The state brought grand jury proceedings against the defendant on charges of being a sick chomo, a real Mr McFeely with the thousand busy octopus arms," the judge noted in his written decision. "But I find that the State of New Mexico failed to show jurors relevant images of the complainants in their underwear, which show their slim, mocha-coloured prepubscent torsos, outline their breath-taking butts, and hint at the as-yet undeveloped perfection of their pubic sweetmeats. This was a material error of fact which unjustly prejudiced the court against Mr Busfield and wrongly denied jurors the opportunity to stow something away in the old finger vault." The judgment concluded that the prosecutor's office had failed to act in a fair and transparent manner, noting that jurors had repeatedly requested photographs of Sébastien in his one-size-too-small speedos and Valentino partially out of his sleeping bag on a camping trip. A spokesperson for the second judicial district attorney office of New Mexico issued a statement late Friday night apologising for the confusion but noting that the district attorney, Ms Djanga Unhinged, had taken the photographs into a restroom with her and refused to come out for almost 72 hours. |