Contrafreeloading

"I allowed him to know I am always available and in some way that made me less interesting" This seems like a crucial insight. Research shows that most species prefer to earn their rewards rather than take them for free. (Cats are the exception). And while some might balk at the idea that a boy should earn anything from his AF, the simple fact of the matter is that if your time is valuable to you, then choosing to spend some of it with him should tell him something about how much he matters to you. As for setting boundaries, I'm of two minds. On the one hand I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all model for where those boundaries should be. I can't imagine ever advising someone about what kind of behavior crosses the line. That's a personal matter between the two people in the relationship themselves. On the other hand, we all have our own boundaries depending on the situation and it's important for them to be clear and consistent. Not that they can't change as the relationship deepens, but that's another thing that is better earned than given away. One day I was out playing catch with an important YF of mine. He was maybe 7 at the time and not terribly athletic, but once in a while I'd crack a bit of a smile so he'd have some positive feedback for his performance. Then he just flat out told me, "You're smiling because you're proud of me." Conspicuously, I said, "No." That denial just made him light up even more. It wasn't just that I was holding back; it was that he felt like I was guarding a special sentiment about him. Now, that probably doesn't sound very honest or emotionally available or whatever, but that's because he knew me well enough to read between the lines. And to think that the two of us actually started out absolutely hating each other. He was already spoiled rotten when we first met, but he eventually won me over and it changed him for the better.