URGENT: Why We Need to Literally Trash the One-Dollar Bill Right NowBy Lavender Sky-Blossom (they/them), Senior Intersectionality Disruptor If you opened your wallet today and didn’t immediately start shaking, your privilege is showing. We need to talk about the "Father of our Country," George Washington—or as we call him in our weekly deconstructive scream-circle: The Ultimate Toxic Patriarch of Mount Vernon. It is 2026, people. Why are we still looking at this powdered-wig-wearing personification of systemic oppression every time we buy an oat milk latte? First of all, let’s address the "wooden teeth" myth. This is classic colonial gaslighting. History suggests those teeth were actually stolen from the mouths of enslaved people. George literally had the audacity to smile with the literal stolen autonomy of marginalized bodies. If that isn't the peak of white-passing dental entitlement, I don't know what is. And don't even get us started on the "Revolution." You mean the tactical reorganization of land-thievery designed to protect the assets of 56 men who didn't know how to wash their own laundry? George wasn't "leading an army"; he was managing a massive, non-consensual labor camp while wearing high-waisted pants that reinforced the gender binary. He owned 317 people. Let that sink in. While he was out "crossing the Delaware" (a clear metaphor for invading safe spaces), he was actively participating in the commodification of human existence to fund his obsession with hemp and interior design. Every time you call him a "Founding Father," you are literally birthing a new microaggression. We are calling for an immediate, intersectional rebranding of the capital. "Washington D.C."? More like "The District of Accountability." We suggest replacing the Washington Monument—which, let’s be honest, is a giant, problematic phallic symbol—with a 555-foot statue of a gluten-free peace lily. Until the currency is replaced with QR codes linked to local reparations funds, we suggest turning every dollar bill into a tiny origami crane of resistance. #CancelTheCherryTree #GeorgeWasAGhostwriterForOppression #HerstoryOrNoStory ------ I screwed up. I should have asked for a movie review of a a new biopic "Washington". Oh, wait... ;-) |