Post a response:
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Looking back, I think about the boy involved in my case—what he said, what he didn’t say, and maybe what he couldn’t say. He said yes, but I think part of him wanted to say no. Not because of pressure in the traditional sense, but because we live in a world where kids don’t feel safe or supported enough to express uncertainty—especially when it comes to attention from adults. If we had a better culture around talking about these things—if youth had real language, education, and social permission to say no without fear of shame or punishment—then I truly believe he would’ve. And I would’ve listened. I wish that had happened. I really do. That one change might have kept both of us out of a situation that did harm. It’s important to say this clearly: even in the 16/12 model I support, a case like mine could still lead to prosecution. If a minor gives assent but later revokes it—or if there’s evidence they weren’t fully ready or informed—the law could still intervene. So this isn’t about saying the things I did should have been legal. They wouldn’t necessarily be under my proposed framework either. But it’s about asking how we can prevent others from ending up in that same place. In a post-reform world, young people would feel safer and empowered enough to give a clear no—or a clear yes. And that clarity would matter. Because when everything is buried in silence and stigma, it becomes easier for adults to misread uncertainty as consent, or to rationalize what shouldn’t be rationalized. I don’t say that to shift blame. I was the adult, and it was my responsibility to navigate that space with care. I failed to do that. And I think we can do better—not just for adults trying to navigate complex feelings, but for kids who deserve the right to say no and be heard before something goes wrong. |