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I guess much of the performativity of the fediverse could be a screen for insecurity, however, I do feel that the mental anguish of fedi is more to do with other mental illness rather than being an expression of self-hatred towards their minor-attraction specifically. Fedi users often identify with personal or mood disorders, or other mental illnesses. When they say "I am valid no matter what", it might not be said with conviction, but it does appear to be a larger part of the messaging of fedi users than other anti-c groups. There doesn't seem to be a desire to change orientation. I'll admit there are definitely ego-syntonic anti-c people in VirPed and other such groups. Especially amongst the admins and moderators. But I do feel a stronger sense of "I want to conform with society", "I don't want this attraction". The feelings of unease don't come from having a personality or mood disorder, but from the sexual attraction itself. As wiki says about ego-dystonic sexual orientation: "It describes not innate sexual orientation itself, but a conflict between the sexual orientation a person wishes to have and their actual sexual orientation." But as I said, I may be taking what people say on the surface too much. Saying "I don't wish to change" doesn't mean that's what they believe deep down. It could just be community-building performativity. |