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Probably the biggest problem that we face is that in our societies, sex is a taboo subject. And the reason for that is because sex is thought to be "dirty," "shameful," "disgusting," and sinful. You can thank the Puritans, and our Judeo/Christian background for most of that. And the fact that when you're sexually excited, you'll do things you wouldn't normally do. You know, strange, "dirty" disgusting things. For example, have you ever been so hot that you found yourself "rimming" a boy? (DON'T answer that question...) Now THAT'S disgusting, isn't it? [Edited out - Cog Lucien] NOTE: If you find yourself tempted to stop reading this post because suddenly you feel "disgusted" then you REALLY need to read these books! If we can help others to overcome their shameful feelings about sex, this will lessen the taboo about talking about it. I've helped many boys come to understand that nudity is nothing to feel shameful about. Perhaps I've also helped them to understand that sexual activity, too, is nothing to feel shameful about, even if it's done with a man. [Edited out - Cog Lucien] But, before you can help others, you first need to overcome your own shameful feelings about nudity and sex (if you have any, I mean). But, of course, we're all totally open-minded here at BoyChat, aren't we? We are without any hangups or shameful feelings about our bodies and about any kind of sexual activity, right?. And nothing about sex would disgust us, would it? Or do you, yourself, suffer from shameful feelings about your body and about sex? Well, would you like to change that? You may find the following two books helpful if you do. Beyond Orgasm: Dare to Be Honest about the Sex You Really Want by Marty Klein October 1, 2002 From the Publisher: Features new approaches to fantasy and experimentation, common and not-so-common turn-ons and turn-offs, and explains why clamming up guarantees rocky sex while communication guarantees sex that rocks. 3.4 3.4 out of 5 stars 7 ratings BOOK BLURB: Ever wish you could ask your partner to do something unspeakable to you in bed but don't because it's, well, unspeakable? Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to own up, speak up, and start transforming your sex life! Controversial author Dr. Marty Klein explodes the mythology of "normal" sex and reveals the truth about performance anxiety, desire, childhood traumas, and the destructive need to be a "great" lover. Beginning where other sex and self-help books end, Beyond Orgasm explores the best-kept secrets of mind-blowing sex and promises nothing less than the passionate connection we all desire with our lovers.Features new approaches to fantasy and experimentation, common and not-so-common turn-ons and turn-offs, and explains why clamming up guarantees rocky sex while communication guarantees sex that rocks. Review by USA Today: Some of the most open, commonsense advice you're likely to find, and funny to boot. OTHER REVIEWS: Tomas Puritanical deprogramming (self-acceptance), weak on relating/communication skills Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2020 2.0 out of 5 stars The title and subtitle of the book is deceptive. This is a book about overcoming sexual shame, plain and simple - whether it come from cultural, religious, childhood, etc messages as to what's "appropriate" about sex. It would be good for those growing up in a puritanical/religious environment, but probably not enough for most other people with fear/shame around their sexual desires. It's just not enough and seems to be aimed at an older generation. The problem I have is that the title is "Beyond Orgasm - Dare to Be Honest About the Sex You Really Want". But the entire book is about secrecy, shame and self-acceptance. Honesty implies communication, which this book does not offer much detail on. It really should be titled "Beyond Shame - Date to Accept the Sex You Really Want". I was expecting more edge/raciness, like details on how to talk about one's desires. The first chapter talks about orgasm/sex myths, which offers some positive views of seeing sex in a much larger lens, but then the content quickly switches over to working through secrecy/shame for the rest of the book. The book was published in 2002, so pretty much anyone born after 1975 most likely has already been exposed to the same pep talk about being unashamed about our sexuality just through the internet in the last 20 years. David S. Hall Secrets Revealed 5.0 out of 5 stars Reviewed in the United States on October 31, 2002 This latest book is another example of why Marty Klein is one of the most respected sex educators in our country today. Marty takes on the sex negativity of our American culture and names it properly as "The Secrecy Imperative". In nine chapters he outlines how our fear of sexuality, our obsession about Orgasm, and our inability to be honest about what we really want from our sexual encounters has poisoned our ability to truly experience all that a sexual relationship has to offer. "We live in a world that encourages sexual secrets. These secrets don't protect us or make our lives better the way they are supposed to. On the contrary, these secrets only cripple our true sexual self, which is hidden, ignored, denied, and distorted." Using examples from his 22 years of clinical practice, he shows how these secrets stop us from being fully ourselves. He describes the very high cost of these secrets, and how they keep us from accepting ourselves as sexually healthy beings, fool us into believing we are not "normal" and trap us in lives that are less than sexually fulfilling. There are a number of wonderful lists of suggestions in each chapter, guidelines for moving toward a more honest view of self, and a more honest communication with our partners. He also admits that honesty is sometimes used to hurt and punish, and give help in understanding how to avoid that trap. Finally, in Chapter 9, entitled "(Finally) Getting Beyond Orgasm" he describes what is possible in a life lived as honestly as possible. This book is valuable to every person who wants to live a sexually authentic life, reach for what is truly possible in relationships, and understand why we do some of the strange things we do in the name of sex. It is also very valuable for those older adults who worry that the process of aging makes us less worthy as partners, and points out the advantages of maturity over boundless energy. Coupled with his earlier book, "Let Me Count The Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse", a world of possibilities opens for every person who takes the time to read them. A special bonus are the wonderful photos by David Steinberg that grace the pages between chapters. While not particularly explicit (you can show, and give, this book to your kids and your parents) they are very sensual and contribute to the power of the book as a whole. Buy this book for yourself, and give it as a gift to any one you know that would like an even more fulfilling sexual life. 15 people found this helpful Donn King User Friendly Sex Talk 5.0 out of 5 stars Reviewed in the United States on October 29, 2002 Dr. Klein has the ability to discuss sex, a subject that most people have learned to shy away from, in the most sensible, straightforward, calm way, as though it is no more remarkable than sports or politics. This is the fourth book of Dr. Klein's that I have read (Ask me Anything, Your Sexual Secrets, Let Me Count the Ways). In each of them, Marty Klein discusses the most intimate sexual topics, with a friendly candor that is reassuring and disarming. Over and over again, throughout Beyond Orgasm and his other books, Dr. Klein offers a down to earth way of looking at sexual situations and problems that simplifies and de-fuses the intimate sexual minefield. Marty Klein's gift is to make the reader feel that sexual problems and impasses in relationships are ordinary and solvable, by using the same common sense approaches that we use to solve any sort of problem. The title of the book, Beyond Orgasm, refers to the vast realm of sexual experience that lies beyond the rigid adherence to sex as intercourse, and coital orgasm as the goal of sex. Beyond Orgasm also discusses the topic of sexual secrets: the sexual, personal things that we share and often don't share with our partners. Sometimes these secrets are even too scary to admit to ourselves, or if admitted, are too charged with values and emotions to live with comfortably. Dr. Klein writes about when it is useful and not useful to share this information with our partners and how to be self-accepting of our own secrets. Beyond Orgasm is loaded with examples drawn from Dr. Klein's case histories. He uses humor and common sense to describe methods for sharing our intimate, sexual selves, and accepting our own and others' secret intimacies. Above all, there is a sense of optimism in Beyond Orgasm. The language is fresh and friendly and I came away from the book with a feeling that sex can be fulfilling and liberating. Throughout Beyond Orgasm, I sensed a reassuring, compassionate tone. The language is everyday, caring, and thoughtful. Dr. Klein seems to be saying, "come on now, we can work this out-it's only sex, after all." 7 people found this helpful About the Author: DR. MARTY KLEIN is a sex therapist and sex educator and has been a licensed marriage and family counselor for more than 20 years. He is the author of five books and more than 150 articles on sexuality and relationships. He lives and practices in Palo Alto, California. M. Uh, don't try these things at home with your YF... [Edited out - Cog Lucien] NOTE ON PREVIOUS POST: Your Child's Right to Sex - Hal Wells (1976)[link] Posted by Manstuprator on 2024-July-6 18:48:23, Saturday https://www.boychat.org/messages/1629722.htm ... deals mostly with how to overcome shameful feelings about your body, and helping others to do the same. Very interesting and useful! Anyone else read it yet? FROM THAT POST: Also reprinted by the same publisher in 1978 as: The Sensuous Child: Your Child's Birthright to Healthy Sexual Development From the front and back flaps: "You want to help your children develop to their full potential, grow up healthy in body, strong in spirit, free to assert and enjoy their right to a rich, full life. But do you include as part of that full life the enjoyment of sex—from the beginning? Your child, says Dr. Hal Wells, is born a sexual being and he will live with his sexuality all of his life. Whether he keeps the birthright of sexual joy depends on how he is held, touched, soothed, smiled or frowned upon when he expresses those sexual feelings— from the beginning. Hal Wells talks to parents in a direct, chatty, anecdotal way about the child’s sexual feelings and the parents’ feelings about those feelings. He talks about masturbation, sex play at various ages, homosexuality, the right to privacy, the seductive parent, parents’ sexual feelings toward their children, what the child’s sexual life is really like at various ages, the castrating parent, teenage sex. He analyzes the ways we deal with our children’s sexual activity: we ignore, we divert, we punish. He talks about the consequences of each approach and asks the question, “If you stop the activity, can you stop the need? What happens to it?” These are only a few of the topics covered in this practical, innovative guide to fostering a healthy sex life for your child. Hal M. Wells, a psychologist, has been in practice for 28 years. He is married and has three children. He’s seen the problems, he’s thought a long time about the answers. His readers will think, too." CONTENTS: Ch. 1 -- The Right 11 Ch. 2 -- Sex-Positive, Sex-Negative: Which? 19 Ch. 3 -- “Harry, Not in Front of the Children!” 32 -- (THE PARENTS OF THE SEXUAL CHILD) Ch. 4 -- The Sensuous Baby 42 Ch. 5 -- The Strategies of Kid Castration 56 Ch. 6 -- “Why Don’t You Go Play with Your Choo-Choo, Dear?” 72 Ch. 7 -- “What Are They Doing in There?” 81 Ch. 8 -- When Adults Feel Sexual Toward Children 93 Ch. 9 -- “Sex Ed”: Arranged and Random 105 Ch. 10 -- “It’s the Real Thing” (ADOLESCENCE) 114 Ch. 11 -- Sexual Trauma: Fact or Fancy? 141 Ch. 12 -- Homosexuality 154 Ch. 13 -- Sex and the Solo Parent 161 Ch. 14 -- The World Outside 172 My post contains an excerpt from the book, if you still don't think the book would be of interest to you... DOWNLOAD The Sensuous Child HERE, IF YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN TO HOW TO OVERCOME SEXUAL SHAME IN YOURSELF AND OTHERS: https://annas-archive.org/md5/e3efe27e76a2506727098dbfe5e5e14a DOWNLOAD Beyond Orgasm by Marty Klein HERE: https://annas-archive.org/search?q=Marty+Klein+Beyond+Orgasm+ [@nonymouse] [Guardster] [Proxify] [Anonymisierungsdienst] |