Boy-starved much?

It sounds like you're starving for boy-contact and latching on to this boy in the only way imaginable. When I was in middle school there was a boy who rode on my school bus who was a year older than me. Super hot. I would have fantasies about him kidnapping me on the walk home after getting dropped off by the bus, fantasies which involved me being stuck in a cage in his bedroom and being "forced" to fellate him. I never developed an interest in BDSM, but looking back I think maybe my fantasies were molding themselves to the possibilities available. Not that there was any real chance of being kidnapped by him, but the possibility of having just a normal fling with him seemed beyond impossible at the time and with coercion there was plausible deniability about wanting to along with it.