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It is so painful if someone I love and care about rejects me, but I try not to over react. When he said I have a problem, I took it as him recognizing my pedophilia as an emotional problem or mental health problem. When he said that it hurt my feelings so bad, but I didn't argue or anything. I think I said something about my love of reading and growing up out on a farm with no other kids to play with, at his age books were my friends. I think thats how I responded at the time, but it ate at me until I mentioned it again. Maybe he was just joking or trying to be edgy or who knows why we say what we say sometimes I say things out loud(or type them) and then looking back I don't agree with what I said before, but I can't deny that the thought crossed my mind. I think kids are less careful what they say. They just blurt out stuff impulsive and we have to be kind and patient towards them. I tried to be careful not to confront my yf or pressure him to see things my way. I don't want to dominate him or make him think I don't welcome his perspective. That's why I was kind of slow to dive deeper on the topic when he said it, only revisiting at a later conversation when I thought of it. I feel a lot better now though after talking to him. Just because a boy says something as if its his firm belief, does not mean he actually thinks that. It's like my other yf who acts straight all the time until he gets horny and its back to thinking like a gayster for a few hours, then back to being straight after. I have tried not to confront or label him, leaving room for him to wobble around in his identity for now. Maybe when he turns 12 he will settle into himself. |