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I used to wonder what my pappy thinks, looking down from heaven at his favorite grandson being brutalized by day and buggered by night. I figured he is either peacefully ignorant with no way to find out whats going on down here on earth, or else he has gained such wisdom and perspective that he is not worried for me. Did he see the whole picture and know my destiny was to turn out fine? What if my destiny was to be murdered like I saw happen to a few (and some at their own hand). Heaven can't know about earth or else it wouldn't be a happy place. No boys in heaven no. Not as boys. No powerless needy children, how could that exist? Needs are painful. Carnal desires bring flesh pleasurable sensations, but without the flesh there is no need, no desire, no ability to help someone ameliorate anything in a problem free plane. Loving cute kids is nature's tool, spurring us to feed and protect the young, but that entire system depends on the pain of starvation and death to spur us forwards. What would we do for never hungry, never threatened, eternally blissful kids? If i was in heaven I wouldn't be able to bear looking at my wretched incarcerated slave brothers. I wouldn't be able to view the meanness in the world. If I could still see that then what kind of heaven is it? I would rather stay alive for now and find a way to make just a few lives a little more heavenly while I still can. Earth is where the boys are. I have taken boys to a heavenly plane and they have lifted my spirits to. This is what I live for, today, now, on Earth. When I'm gone my spirit will remain, hopefully encouraging and comforting my beloveds, like my Pappys spirit has comforted me. But at that point my spirit will be eminating from within whomever I've planted it in. Thats the only way for spirits to live on after our bodies die. |