h) just something inherited or otherwise beyond changing? I truly believe I inherited a BL gene of some sort but it's not beyond changing. From my perspective I was well on the road to becoming Chester the Molester hanging out at the school yards looking for kids to have his way with. Who knows possibly one that would kill kids to keep the quiet. That's where my self hate and depression lies. Not becoming that keeps me going the fact that the outside world sees me at that anyway keeps me knocked down Thankfully, I did not become my father my former Y.F. the last I've had since 1994 lets me know this often and now that he's well into his 30's I know didn't become the monster I painted myself to be at age 16 on my first suicide attempt |