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Re: An opportune moment to ask..

Posted by Hulann on 2018-February-19 08:46:23, Monday
In reply to An opportune moment to ask.. posted by slvrspun on 2018-February-19 06:31:52, Monday

d) the lack of help from anyone to come and rescue you from your situation?

There was always help but I wasn't asking for it so there was no rescue until I reached age 16 and made my first few suicide attempts

I often say I had 5 A.F.'s in my life and that was true these men often provided sanctuary from my father as he would often brag about his special relationships with his sons to others in the gay community.

Two of the 5 were former lover's of pops who I kept seeing long after pops got dumped by them. I often would be naked in the sheets with them with nothing more expected but bodies touching gently in comfort skin on skin.
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The school system knew something was going on

Was seeing school therapists since age 9 but was told strictly by pops I could talk about anything but that so I often said nothing

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My mother had her finger on it as well I often have posted a poem about it here on boychat it goes


Mommy hear me calling thee
Tell me when I will be free
Of this horror in my brain
Tell me when I’ll feel no pain

Mommy hear me calling thee
Hope that you can get me free
Daddy’s crawling in my bed
How I wish I was dead

Mommy hear me calling thee
Tell me how this could be
Now I have a brand new toy
Cause I was Dad’s special boy

Mommy hear me calling thee
I wish that this could never be
I was only 10 years old
Only did what I was told

Mommy hear me calling thee
Tell me when I will be free
Caught up in a childhood hell
Cause I said that I would not tell

Mommy hear me calling thee
Hope that you’ll set me free
Can’t you hear my silent screams
Are things as bad as it may seem

Mommy hear me calling thee
Thought things were plain to see
Those troubled times have gone away
But the memories are here to stay

Mommy hear me calling thee
Maybe you will one day see
Because of this I have NO pride
I think of trying suicide

Mommy hear me calling thee
Won’t you try and rescue me
Don’t you believe what I have said
As the bullet strikes my head

Mommy hear me calling thee
No one heard my final plea
Leave this poem upon my grave
I hope that someone might be saved

Mommy hear me calling thee
Please Don’t shed a tear for me

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Hulann

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