d) the lack of help from anyone to come and rescue you from your situation? There was always help but I wasn't asking for it so there was no rescue until I reached age 16 and made my first few suicide attempts I often say I had 5 A.F.'s in my life and that was true these men often provided sanctuary from my father as he would often brag about his special relationships with his sons to others in the gay community. Two of the 5 were former lover's of pops who I kept seeing long after pops got dumped by them. I often would be naked in the sheets with them with nothing more expected but bodies touching gently in comfort skin on skin. ----------------- The school system knew something was going on Was seeing school therapists since age 9 but was told strictly by pops I could talk about anything but that so I often said nothing ---------------- My mother had her finger on it as well I often have posted a poem about it here on boychat it goes Mommy hear me calling thee Tell me when I will be free Of this horror in my brain Tell me when I’ll feel no pain Mommy hear me calling thee Hope that you can get me free Daddy’s crawling in my bed How I wish I was dead Mommy hear me calling thee Tell me how this could be Now I have a brand new toy Cause I was Dad’s special boy Mommy hear me calling thee I wish that this could never be I was only 10 years old Only did what I was told Mommy hear me calling thee Tell me when I will be free Caught up in a childhood hell Cause I said that I would not tell Mommy hear me calling thee Hope that you’ll set me free Can’t you hear my silent screams Are things as bad as it may seem Mommy hear me calling thee Thought things were plain to see Those troubled times have gone away But the memories are here to stay Mommy hear me calling thee Maybe you will one day see Because of this I have NO pride I think of trying suicide Mommy hear me calling thee Won’t you try and rescue me Don’t you believe what I have said As the bullet strikes my head Mommy hear me calling thee No one heard my final plea Leave this poem upon my grave I hope that someone might be saved Mommy hear me calling thee Please Don’t shed a tear for me ------------------- |