I don't know why, but

When I see videos of boys like this I just start crying. I don't know whether it's because I'm off my medication or just the passion that I feel the boys are just doing their best to dude I don't know like anything at all. It breaks me down and really does. I just woke up you know what I have told you before I drink and then I passed out and I drink some more and pass out again but I have things I have to do today that I don't really want to mess with. I watched the Karate video. I love Asian boys I love white boys and brown boys and just boys. They're so special they're so beautiful to me. It's not always about sex I don't know what the connection is I really don't. Right now I have to go do something pretty important. I will be so glad when I can go get some help. I realize that I'm not well right now you know? Even so because of the recent events I have to go do certain things and make appointments at cetera. Any of you guys you pray please pray for me. The Lord has shown up for me in the last few days. I mean the he provided this place you know? Anyway I'm sitting here now with wet eyes simply because I saw some Asian boys performing their karate/dance routine. God knows I'm such a queen. I've had a lot of people in the gay community telling me that if I didn't share with folks that I was gay they would never know. I don't walk like a duck I don't talk like a duck. Anyway I want to thank you for sharing that video and I'm going to come back and look at the other one later. It's probably just because I'm so depressed because a video like that should be uplifting and people should be laughing and enjoying themselves through that experience period I just started crying. Depression I mean comma what is called in America to be major depressive disorder and then coupled with serious alcoholism I suppose has this effect you know?