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I can certainly relate to this "gay cover" you mention, like most BLs under their mid-30s here I guess. I sometimes think we should be more proactive and look on the net for obvious young BLs who ignore they are BLs, to help them avoid wasting years in denial. Of course the idea is not to force an identity on anyone, just to make it available to people who don't know it exists. I know I couldn't identify as a pedophile for many years, even if deep inside I knew I was one, because the way society pictures pedophiles is like some kind of psychopath, and of course I'm nothing like that. So I identified myself as gay (which was already an internal struggle, as my family isn't precisely progressive, and my radical religious culture didn't help either of course) but it somehow didn't feel right. Yet it was hard to understand that what was preventing me from fully embracing a gay identity was not so much an internalized homophobia or fear of what being gay meant for my social life and relationships with relatives, but that I was in fact a BL. I think I've lost precious time in this no-man's land, and I realize now many of my depressed feelings and failures as a social being come from that. |