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I went on a long drive today. I had nothing better to do. I'm at a point in life that I've been many, many times before; a YF has recently reached the point in his development when he no longer much cares to spends an obscene amount of time with an unrelated and older man...me. I say "obscene" because over the past three years he'd rather be with me doing whatever, didn't matter what, than with anyone else doing anything else. Now, while still seeming to enjoy my company, it's not like he's running out of air if he doesn't get to see me. Which is a good thing, objectively, but these good things that happen to a boy when he naturally feels the desire to drift away from his pack are always at the expense of...me. Which is fine, really. That's the cycle and it's better to cycle than walk, I suppose. So I went driving this morning instead of fixing my little Tiger his custom breakfast order, since he wasn't here. I suddenly have the idea that feeding him at all over the years only accelerated his development! I'll have to remember that next time, if there is a "next time". Right now I don't think there will be and don't really care if there is or not. I'm just kidding, of course I wouldn't starve a kid to stunt his maturation, if that's even possible. Driving. A long drive. It was nice weather in VA today so there were actually people in their front yards as I passed by, doing what people do, on the sides of the long country roads I traveled down. A boy riding his sisters bike. Another was just staring out of the storm door, at what I don't know. Still another was hoisted up on some mans shoulder being carried. Could have gotten hurt, I don't know. Maybe it was another BL, playfully carrying his little buddy across the yard. My recommendation to him is pick him up and carry him around everyday. Because he's going to grow and FAST! So, in no time at all, you'll become very strong without even noticing. Of course, in time, he won't want to be carried anymore. He'll probably call occasionally to tell you he's staying home instead. And then you'll atrophy. Muscles once strong from the activity will only droop. In that transition phase, be sure not to get clingy and emotional. Don't lay that guilt on him over how you're feeling - it isn't fair to. He isn't to blame for any of it. And you risk not having him in your life at all the moment he catches a whiff of emotional warfare employed on him. I've gotten off track. Gone off-road into the mud. It was a nice drive. Lots of boys out playing. Lots of reminders about how things used to be with the boy. And maybe some hope that one more, just one more, little ray of sunshine might somehow land at my feet one day, more than happy to have me bask in it. Right now it's just the transition. I have to be strong. I see a lot of driving in my immediate future. |